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Advice

Dump Your Friends, Save Your Finances

Posted November 13, 2008

At the risk of sounding antisocial, we’d like to recommend a money-saving strategy you might have overlooked before now: Take a look at the people you hang out with. It might just be the case that you’ll never succeed in seriously reducing your spending until you stop spending time with some of them.

Here are six types of friends who might be busting your budget:

  1. Competitive spenders. They’re the ones who define their personal worth by their net worth (or, if they’re really in denial, whatever it is that they’re pretending their net worth is at the moment). Unless you’re comfortable ignoring the competition, move on.
  2. Compulsive spenders. Yes, they’re probably going to end up broke. But that’s no reason why you have to, too.
  3. Over-the-top spenders. When you’re in the burger-and-fries budget category, don’t hang out with someone who’s going to order the Kobe steak and then expect you to split the bill. And remember, everything’s relative in this economy: If the local burger dive’s out of your league, your best bet is to stay home.
  4. Self-promoting spenders. Beware of people with a hidden agenda, like out-of-work friends or fledgling entrepreneurs who may spend big because they want you to think that they’re much more successful than they are.
  5. “Lucky” spenders. They won the lottery, inherited money, regularly finagle their expense account, whatever. They’ve got the cash, you don’t. Spend too much time with them and you’re going to end up in trouble.
  6. Bosses and big shots. Hang out with them and you’ll find yourself turning into a compulsive, competitive, self-promoting, over-the-top spender with hopes of getting lucky. Don’t try it.

The Whiner wants to know: Have you ever stopped seeing a friend because of money matters? Tell us about it.

Reader Comments

  1. Ellie

    Good advice, Whiner. My bit of advice is never lend money to a really rich person. You’ll never see it again. My college roomate was a lumber heiress, family had four or five homes. I once lent her $500 dollars, which I had saved while working my way through college, and never saw it again. nd I asked, and asked, and asked….

  2. Pat

    Ellie, maybe you were to blame here. Why would you loan money to someone like that? That’s what I’m wondering about people who hang out with friends that are costing them money they don’t have. Who’s responsible?

  3. Ellie

    Pat, I was a college student. I learned a lesson. And it seems pretty clear to me that the person who borrows the money and doesn’t pay it back is the jerk. Period. As far as hanging out with profligates, that’s up to each individual–I’m not responsible for how someone else spends their money. If they want to spend it on me, well….

  4. RobertB

    Great piece. I’ll be honest – there are some friends of mine who I won’t see after work because I know that if we go out, they’ll really jack up the bill and then want to split 50-50 and I just can’t afford that right now. I wouldn’t exactly give them up as friends. But I can’t hang out with them so that’s the way it is.

  5. Jermaine

    This is good stuff Whiner! I once had a friend who fit under the Self-promoting spender category. This guy would drag me to the fanciest restaurants and the best clubs. He would drop 100s like crazy just to impress people. I had no idea where he came across the money. I couldn’t stand it. I ended up throwing that guy to the curb.

  6. The Savior

    Word to the wise Whiner: you should never hang out with any of these kinda fools.

  7. Brian

    I have a lot of friends with $money$ and they say that money will never change them. Well, I beg to differ on that subject. Turns out that I have friends that I have friends that fit the bill on all six of those you mentioned above. It’s hard to cut them off completely, but I def. don’t hang out with them that much.

  8. Lisa

    I had a friend who had gone through a good divorce as well as made some money from a lawsuit. Whenever I went shopping with her I spent more than I wanted to (this was 2 years ago when the economy was good). For other reasons the friendship fell apart, but I try to remain friends with people who are roughly in my socio-economic bracket – it’s just easier. I live in a fairly expensive part of South Florida and now that housing prices have dropped I’m trying to save up money for the down payment on a condo. No adjustable rate APR or no money down real estate for me! I’ve seen others do it around me and refuse to make the same mistakes.

  9. Sissy B

    NOt yet. Here’s the hard part about friends, spending and unemployment. Yes, you know that you have to curb your spending, and it would be best if you would entirely eliminate it – BUT – single unemployed people spend so much time alone and so much time at home (despite libraries, walks and everything else) that sometimes they need to go out more than employed people, and that means actual entertainment, not just occupying a different space. Is this a preview of old age?

  10. lauren

    Yes, I’ve cut out friends who order and order and drink and drink at restaurants, then expect to split the bill. Had to after too many $40 salads; I was resenting the friends for their excesses. Now, if it isn’t a BYO place, I politely decline. If it’s soup to nuts, I show up for dessert. The only good thing about this whole downturn is that everyone’s thinking thriftily like me, so the old “let’s order another round” friends are now choosing to entertain at home more.

  11. thrift

    When I go out to eat with a group, I always request separate checks, and then make sure I tip the waiter extra for doing the extra work. If someone balks, I tell them this (true) story to explain (while saying that I would never want this to happen again, so I do separate checks on principle): I was with a large group of women at a very fun dinner. Some in the group were big drinkers, others weren’t, but we were all great friends and had fun together. I was driving a lot of them, so didn’t drink. The food was fabulous and the portions were large, so my friend and I decided to share an appetizer and a salad. My portion of the bill would have been maybe 15.00 at the most. After the final bill got there and the other end of the table announced we would split the bill, the cost per person came to 75.00. Even for those that had a full meal without alcohol, that was twice their cost, so a couple of the girls said no way….and a big fight ensued. There were some pretty awful things said but my favorite was “I hate CHEAP women!”. That was our last dinner together.

  12. Amy

    During these times you need the company of friends and loved ones. Entertaining at home is the way to go.

    Everyone brings a bottle of wine or dessert and you do the cooking. When everything is said and done you’ve spent less on a group of people than you would have on yourself dining out. Brunches at home and potlucks are an even cheaper way to go. Everyone is happy and has spent within their means and you still get to be social.

    The big spending types will still bring expensive bottles of wine, champagne, or imported beers but that ends of being in your favor. You get to keep the leftovers. It’s a trick we learned before the downturn when we tired of dining out with people who are great friends but have deeper pockets and larger appetites.

    Look on the bright side, it takes a lot of confidence and acceptance to spend below your means. Do so and you’ll sleep a little more soundly at night.

  13. Miser

    Those who make you spend more than what you can or should, are they really “friends”? Perhaps we need better definition of what would qualifies to be in this category.

    Personally, I would preferred to be called, cheap, miser, loser and/or any other label that ‘these’ people might want to pin on me. But the fact is that I know who my true friends are, since they would respect me for who/what I am rather than what they “think” I should be ;)

    And in the end, my friends will stick with me through thick and thin (sin) while these wannabes will be alone if they could not keep-up with the Joneses.

    Oh what a great way to screen friends and not-so-friends

  14. missmsry

    My mother was a stay-at-home mom who pretty much just spent the money my dad made. She was without doubt a professional shopper.

    Whenever I needed to buy something, I consulted her first for advice about cost and quality. She knew it all. She also had three of everything, so usually she’d just give me what I needed. We called it “Mommy Mall.”

    The good ole days.

  15. Peter Guzzardo

    Unlike me, all of my friends are rich. It’s me they need to lose. I don’t have any pretensions. Everyone knows I couldn’t care less about money. Was never important to me, never will be and that may be the reason why they love me as well. Envy perhaps?? I think they are. I value time with my friends and family way beyond the size of my investment portfolio. Unlike money, we all have the same amount of time. Just 24 hours every day. Use it wisely on what really make you happy . ‘I’ve never seen a hearse pulling a U-haul” . Eat Drink and be Merry there’s a cold grave in everybody’s way!

  16. Kristina Sullivan

    I use my beautiful red wallet to remind me to enjoy & appreciate what I have & what I can afford, and distance myself from the spendy people. Actually, where I live in rural Ohio there aren’t that many spendy people or places to spend if you wanted to. I have learned to be up front about what I can afford, and my real friends respect me for it and join me for salad at Wendy’s–it’s better for all of us to eat a little simpler and a little less. Oh, yeah, and cheaper.