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First Person

How Not to Handle a Job Interview

Posted February 20, 2009

The last time we heard from Guest Whiner Charlie Fish he shared some secrets for raising cash by selling stuff online. It was a great idea.

Now he’s back again, but this time, the best way to learn from Charlie is by avoiding some of his past mistakes. He calls this piece, “Interview Advice From an Inept Interviewee.”

By Charlie Fish

I’m a pretty honest person. I say what’s on my mind and I tend to speak the truth. But it’s fair to say that this is a trait that has simultaneously helped and hindered my career. On the one hand, my desire to seek the truth led me to journalism. That’s good. But I find it difficult to lie even when it’s absolutely necessary. Like during a job interview.

No wonder I’m unemployed.

My take on the job interview is that employers don’t seek honesty. They seek formulaic, contrived answers that are supposed to give insight into your character, but really only tell employers that you’ve been brushing up on Interview Tips: What to Say to Land Your Dream Job, or some similar title. 
Pretty ironic that I interview people for a living yet I can’t bring myself to function like a normal human being when I’m being asked the questions, huh?

As I’ve said, this is probably a big reason why I don’t have a job. Well, that and the economy. But regardless of whether times are economically trying or robust, I know that my interview skills might conceivably be considered, well, lackluster. After all, when prospective employers ask me, “What’s your weakness?” I know they’re really looking to hear, “I’m a workaholic. Sometimes I work so hard I don’t have time for my friends” or, “I’m too much of a perfectionist.” But what I tell them is: “I’m not good at interviews.” Not exactly a strong selling point.

Why do I say it then? Because it’s the truth! I freeze up. I get vertigo. No lie.

The interviewer becomes more and more distant from me as my tunnel vision kicks in and my sweat glands go into overdrive. My throat parches up and I have a hard time speaking, so I will mumble and stutter.

It’s the trait I hate the most about myself because, among other things, it mucks up my chances of being hired anywhere respectable. 


My friends tell me I need better interview skills. And I do own a guidebook (The Everything Practice Interview Book, by Dawn Rosenberg McKay). But, I remain honest because it’s the only way I know how to be. And I feel like if I gave the scripted answers they’re looking for it would sound phony and they’d see right through me.

But in the spirit of learning from past mistakes — even if I can’t do it myself — I present to you some of my interview blunders that should NEVER be repeated. Don’t try these. I did. But what in the world was I thinking?

Interviewer at Borders: So what do you like to do when you have down time at work?

Charlie, age 17: Well, I’ll think about the songs I like. I sing in my head quite a lot. (The interviewer then jotted something down on his note pad. Even at the time it was clear this wasn’t something warm and fuzzy like a list of favorite songs.)

Interviewer: Ok (pause). Well (pause). We’ll call you in for a second interview if we decide to proceed (more pausing). Thanks.

Interviewer at a food magazine: Tell me about your love of food.

Charlie, age 25: Well, I battled anorexia when I was 15. I’d say my love of food began sometime after that.

Interviewer: (Blank stare) Well, I’ve heard all I needed to hear. Thanks for coming in, though!

Interviewer at a TV network: Tell me about your first job.

Charlie, age 26: I was a video store clerk when I was 16. And they had me go into the porn section. I finally had to quit when I would see customers in the supermarket and know about their sexual proclivities. (Yes, anyone in his or her right mind would have stopped there. Instead, the more nervous I got, the more details I added.) “Oh, he likes gang bangs. That one likes girl-on-girl, and that one’s into midget porn.”



Interviewer: My, that must’ve been difficult for you. Sounds like a colorful job. Well. We’ll be in touch.

Needless to say, I didn’t get any of the above-mentioned jobs. But in retrospect, I’d like to think that some part of me was engaging in a constructive act of self-sabotage in order to spare me from having to work somewhere I really didn’t want to work.

You might well ask: Why bother going to a job interview in the first place, if you don’t really want the job? I guess the practical answer is, you need to put yourself out there and let the universe know, “This may not be the job I want, but at least I’m trying!” Or maybe the simple answer is, the more interviews you go on, the better you’ll get. So you’ve got to keep going.

There was a point when I landed an interview for a job I desperately wanted. Yes, even I knew what I needed to do. I read my interview guidebook from cover to cover; I prepared, I researched and I practiced in front of the mirror. I was confident, poised, and clean-shaven come interview time.

And, surprise, I got the job. That same job ended up letting me go recently (thanks to the economy), but that’s not the point.

The point is that it took a handful of embarrassing stumbles to reach a place in my life where I know what I’m meant to do. Given the opportunity, I’ll remain honest during future interviews. But I’ll be sure to balance it out with decorum and tact. And (hopefully) experience.

The Whiner wants to know: What’s the worst job interview you ever had? Any tips worth sharing?

Reader Comments

  1. Lynn D.

    It was almost time for my interview on the fourth floor of a state office building. I stopped for a pee in a restroom on the first floor because I always have to pee when I’m nervous. There were no hooks on the door, so I put my purse on the lid of the toilet tank. Sure enough, it fell into the bowl! Before or after I did my business I can’t remember, or how I dried it off sufficiently. Was my resume in the purse? I can’t remember. I did get the job, however.

  2. Nano

    This post reminds me of a conversation I had with my daughter this morning. She said she needed three references from different sources for grad school. She wants to be a teacher. I suggested she get one from her counselor, or one of her current professors. She said she doesn’t like to ask them because her face turns red and her eyes water when she has to talk to one.

  3. Hope

    Charlie, your interview stories made laugh out loud, which was a great feeling at the end of a draining week of yet another round of company layoffs, many involving friends.

    After finishing my degree while parenting three kids in my thirties, I interviewed with a guy who asked me point blank what my babysitting arrangements were. And I wanted the job badly, so I answered. Those were the days when people still got away with that type of thing. Do you plan to have children? What will you do with them while you work? Is your husband employed? Etc. What we will do when we need a job!

  4. Karenza

    Hey Charlie!

    You are a terrific writer and I enjoyed your interview stories!

    I am also too honest in interview situations (bad habit from 12 years of Catholic school), so over the years I have had to develop a strategy and figure out how to respond in a more “formulaic” interview manner.

    One day a few years back, I came up with a brilliant solution. I worked with an awesome woman named Lynn, a few years older than me, who I admired tremendously. Lynn was so confidant, so easy-going, so like-able and spontaneous. . . it occurred to me that on my next job interview, I would pretend to be an actress and act the part of Lynn in the interview. I rehearsed in my mind answers to typical interview questions in a, “WWLD” what-would-Lynn-do, sort of way. Now, I would not LIE, I just sort of adopted a much more confident, more cool-kid persona to get me through the interview. It worked, and continues to work well.

    In an interview, you are acting and the interviewer is your audience. Your putting your best self on stage for 30 minutes. So, I have found that taking the acting approach has made a difference for me.

    Unfortunately, I hadn’t met Lynn when I had a college interview at age 19 at Connecticut College. The interviewer was so snooty and condescending that I blanked out and couldn’t remember the names of courses I had taken or anything! It was a scene from some classic 80s John Hughes movie. . . at least I can laugh about it now. And I am glad I didn’t go to Connecticut College anyway!

  5. Mletta

    It might help to not worry about lying or acting in the whole process, but rather focus on what’s at heart: Finding ways to communicate what you have to offer a potential employer—in the context of the position, as it’s described to you or as you understand it. (and it may make sense to spend your energies finding out more about the job first and then dovetailing what you share as to how it enhances your qualifications for the position).

    A lot of interviewers do a terrible job of interviewing, which, in turn leads a lot of shy folks like Charlie who though talented, to become even more uncomfortable in such situations.

    It’s a tough dance because way too many people interviewing are not even focusing on what’s truly needed for a job–only what they think/believe is (and again, it may not be relevant to the actual position). And some are just shall we say not even qualified to be interviewing. (Polite way of saying some are just jerks and worse.)

    You should not feel you have to lie (even if other people do and get jobs) to get a job. Rather, you should be focusing on how to be both authentic in presenting your qualifications and unique selling points (if they exist) and on how to relate what you can do to the company’s expressed and unexpressed needs.

    It’s really true that if you have to pretend to be somebody else to get a job, you won’t want it once you get there.

    It’s bad enough that companies lie outright about jobs and the companies’ business and you end up working for them only to find out it’s not what you signed on for. Why make it worse by pretending to be somebody you’re not–and hey, lying is never good business.

    What you have to do is focus on why you’re in an interview. Over-emphasizing the “performance” aspect –which is more about acting than anything else–can overshadow your ability to genuinely speak and relate how you can do the job. Which is really what this is all about.

    Charlie, some of the questions you asked were ridiculous and unrelated to the skills and qualifications needed for a job. But what they were really doing was trying to find ways to learn more about you. If you considered how you answered in light of what they were really asking, you might have felt more comfortable and answered truthfully but in a relevant fashion. Airhead answers don’t serve anyone well, truthful or not.

  6. Mletta

    Sorry, charlie. I meant to say: Some of the questions you were asked were ridiculous and irrelevant to the position.

    Nothing wrong with your comments, questions, observations.

  7. Spokane Al

    Many years ago I was interviewing for a position at a local bank. Mid way through the interview I looked down and saw that my pants fly was wide, wide open (I was wearing underwear). Each time the interviewer glanced away I did my best to put things back together.

    I did not recieve a call back.

  8. Jerla

    During my worst interview, the fellow doing the interviewing told me the reason he was chosen to interview applicants was because he could read minds. I slid farther and farther down in my chair until I was gazing at him from the level of the tabletop. Before another interview, the elastic in my skirt gave way, and I was holding it up with one hand while trying to shake hands and hold onto my portfolio with the other. It didn’t go well.

  9. Andrew

    Worst interview ever: one of the bus connections didn’t come, so I needed to jog 45 minutes in the rain to get there. And I still got there late.

    When I give interviews, I always avoid those formulaic questions because everyone pre-prepares a scripted answer for them anyways. One the other hand, those questions exist for a reason: each one reflects a reason why they might not hire you. (”What are your long term goals?” usually means “will you quit and get a better job in 6 months?”) So when I get interviewed my approach is to try to decipher what the interviewer’s real question is and allay his concerns. I hope that the other candidates will trip up more than I. (As the saying goes, “I don’t need to outrun the bear; I just need to outrun you.”)

    Sometimes you don’t get the job for reasons outside your control, so don’t beat yourself up about it. There was a series of interviews at my mother’s work a few years ago which was just a smokescreen so the boss could hire a friend of his. One candidate had a Master’s in that exact domain and had a good interview, but even he didn’t get the job.

  10. paprikapink

    Wouldn’t that be cool if Commenter Lynn is the Lynn in Karenza’s comment?

    I think the W-W-L-D approach is good advice. Bear in mind that the interviewer is probably nervous too. Have making their job easier be one of your goals for the interview. Help them learn about you. And interview them. Walk in there knowing that they’d be lucky to have you; set your objective to finding out if this job is a good fit for you. Do they deserve you?

    A rule of thumb that some kind co-worker told me about 30 years ago: treat everyone as if you may someday work for them or they may someday work for you. This little truism is so powerful because it is invariably TRUE.

  11. abo gato

    I’ve been where I’ve been for so long that all I can remember is giving interviews to people.

    I will tell the tale of the worst interview I ever sat in on though. The reason it was so bad? My co-interviewer was insane and completely clueless.

    Let me tell you about her a bit. She came to us from Kentucky by way of Pennsylvania. Had a law degree but for the life of me, I cannot figure out how she got it or what she actually planned to do with it. She was one of the most nervous people I have ever known. The thought of her confronting anyone or actually being in front of a jury? Not gonna happen. She ended up with us and was a supervisor of a group of people. She was a smoker and a coffee drinker. Had a cup of coffee in her grip nearly every moment. If she wasn’t drinking coffee or smoking she was chewing gum or eating tic-tacs. She rattled when she walked down the aisles of the office because of the boxes of tic-tacs in her pockets. One day she stopped by the desk of one of my folks. Had her coffee cup in hand, reached down to his desk, got a pencil out of a cup, put the pencil, eraser end down into her cup to stir, stirred, shook it off and put the pencil back in the cup and kept on going, never said a word to my guy.

    Anyway, that was her. So we had an opening and a lawyer we knew who worked for a firm that did business with us asked if his wife could interview for our job. So she made an appointment, came in and we had a kind of team interview with her. Me, the crazy one, and another guy in our office.

    Crazy lady ends up behind the desk in a small room, the rest of us in chairs around the desk. Interviewee seems pleasant and interesting. We all had a nice chat about stuff. Crazy one then starts in with her gum. She pulls it out of her mouth….long string of gum, maybe a foot long, or longer….gum to hand. Sticks it back in mouth. Chomps. Pulls. Chomps. Pulls. Then she rolls it around in her fingers…..the whole wad of gum….pulls it back and forth from hand to hand, back in mouth. All this while we are discussing what the job is like and what we expect and blah, blah, blah.

    Interviewee’s eyes are like saucers. She cannot take her eyes off crazy lady, except to look at me to maybe see if I am going to start something weird too. I am trying to appear sane. See? We all aren’t nuts….just her! The other guy in the room has his own issues, but at least he didn’t have any gum. Interviewee could not get out of there fast enough.

    We actually thought about offering her the job. I called a week or so later to talk with interviewee and she told me, “uh, thanks, but I am going to look somewhere else”.

    Don’t blame her. Crazy lady actually made it to retirement.

  12. Ken

    I’ve heard (and I kind of believe) that the interviewer makes up his/her mind about the interviewee in the first 30 seconds. It’s all about first impressions, etc. I’ve also heard that the interviewer is trying to determine (perhaps subconsciously?) “is this candidate like me?” “do we share the same values?” etc.

  13. Amy

    I loved this. Funny but in a weird way, inspirational seeing as you’re unemployed…again. Can’t wait for your next round of amazing interviews!

  14. Gooch

    Charlie – I thought your answer about the video store work was spot on! Gotta work for a place where at least someone has a sense of humor, and sees the humor in the situation. There have got to be places where you would get the job BECAUSE of sharing the story.

    Working in the non profit world (looking for jobs right now), I am interviewed more often by volunteers, or a mix of volunteers and professionals, than I am interviewed just by professionals. Since most of the work I have done has been education related, I am more often than not able to steer the conversation in the direction of learning theories and best practices than getting stuck in silly general questions.

    I am also very open and honest about my development as a professional. I lost my first two jobs because I was bad at them, and kept my third job for 4 years because I had good mentorship and went from meh to good. I think that I have my own healthy balance of self confidence and self awareness that those interviewing me connect with.

    I guess I am considered mid-career at this point, and contrary to what Charlie wrote, I have stopped sending resumes to places where I know I would not be happy (the part of non-profit I am in is small enough to do quick, accurate research during the process). It means that I can take each interview process seriously, and I think it shows. On the organizations’ end, many of the interviews have felt like semi-recruitment sessions because they see the potential match as well.

    Best of luck, Charlie!